I am here in Queens, Ny statying @ a friend’s aunt’s house with her. This vacation I have been the great traveler as of late. While it feels great to have friends in different places that I can stay with, last night I had the strongest desire. I will be more explicit.
I completely adore my life of travel and cultural exploration. I totally love the life of being on the go and having friends all over who can contribute their own personal yet very different views on life to my desire to understand it all better and quite possibly maybe even objectively at times. But then there are times that I long for something else. Times when I am visiting friends and I see how they have this connection with their friends or with a lover. The kind of connection that comes from being around each other and growing and knowing with out even having to say a word. Just by being there and absorbing that persons personality and energy. The kind of friendship that grows when more days are spent together...the kind of friendship that can turn into a lover that can turn into a companion and a mate. The kind of friendship that ends and is created a new when you turn over in your bed in the morning and smile as you watch the sunlight land on the face of the person you love and you see their eyes light up as they awake to find you marveling in your love for them.
Yes, these are the things that I miss when I am out traveling the world and increasing my mental and emotional and spiritual view on life. But I have become a pro at it. Those things and people who represent these things were once something I longed to hold on to even though I was fully aware of that fact that eventually my flame for them will vanish just as fast as theirs for me had been dampened by the waves of the ocean I so frequently sail.
I know that this is the life I have chosen and I would never want to give it back. But, it’s a catch-22 this life. I would be stifling my free spirit. The spirit of the eagle that is in me that can’t be domesticated. In this case, I hope this eagle spirit will eventually come to the fork in the road and decide that domestication isn’t so bad after all and is a part of life. You see, the catch is that my spirit longs for connection, companionship, a home to call my own, children, and pets. How can my spirit long for two things that are on complete polar opposite sides of the spectrum?
I chuckle and tell myself that these travels are going to be evidence of a life well lived. That they will be the substance of stories I will tell my children and grandchildren. And the man who’s soul will finally choose to be my life companion will have a story of his own to tell. One of how he matched my free spirit and was able to fly along side it so that we could build an adult life together. A story of how we built this life while we simultaneously remembered the child inside of both of us and laughed everyday just because it made us feel good.
This is my plan. My desire for the future. A life full of creativity. A life full of love and laughter. A life full of children and animals and nature close by. A life full of music and all the other arts combined. A life that is surrounded by those who believe in good things and a life in which I can shine my light on others. While there may be no specific plan to rule the music industry or no specific plan to show the world I am the best singer or business woman (cause I am definitely not), there are plans to spread love and laugh, dance and sing as hard as I possibly can at any moment in time.
Maybe this life will be built by the sea in more ways than one. The desire for this life was discovered upon the waves of the distant ocean and have strengthened a love for the waters and of the beach....ah...these are the things I think about...the things that some times make me want to give up the life I now live. But I know right now it would be in vain...so, I sail on. I travel on...and I never set down roots long enough so that I can see it all and live with a story to be told.